fuck this day.
wanna know the only thing that made this day a little less hellish?
BLOOMFIELD.
i love music. speaking of.. i'm trying not to suck with the guitar. i think silence is missing his former master. anyway.
i am blogging because i feel like SCUM THAT LIVES AT THE BOTTOM OF ILOG PASIG. if there is any scum living there. i just might cuss and cuss and cuss. but i do not wish to flood this page with profanity. i'd rather you hear it. if you can't..
sorry ka na lang.
yeah baby. i love being a masochist.
but not when it's because of you..
Posted at 7:29:47 pm by bloodsucker
come on, tell me..
hi. so this is what's happening. ok, what happened.
i left manila at 6 something in the morning and walked into the small but cool airport of doha. i wanted coffee and i had a book to read. i bought chocolate mints in duty free because i didn't have change for a caffe mocha. got my coffee, readingalice sebold and waiting for my dad to discover my existence in the airport.
now i have chocolate for you.
my dad finally found me and we waited for about four hours for our next flight to riyadh.
now i'm in riyadh, finished the book, and typing away on my auntie's keyboard. my dad's damned pc is giving up on me and his internet card's kaput. argh.
and they don't have yahoo messenger.
is that too much to ask?
anyway, i tell myself over and over and over again that it is ONLY two weeks.
TWO FRIGGING WEEKS.
ok. i'm hyperventilating.
next time. i shall be here again. the phone needs to be of use.
Posted at 7:12:38 pm by bloodsucker
come on, tell me..
i just want to say that my life isn't as depressing as i make it seem.
promise.
i'm really happy.
but i guess the low points are the ones that surface.
oops.
things will change.
sheesh. the thing this damned world needs the least is a depressant (in the form of a blog).
ha.
yes people. i am happy. i am living. and i am happy..
but i guess i already said that.
why shouldn't i be happy?
and there's nothing anyone can do that could make me feel otherwise..
(know why?)
secret.
Posted at 12:33:09 am by bloodsucker
come on, tell me..
a guy once got mad cause he found out i knew how to kiss. he got mad because he hadn’t kissed me yet and was respecting me. and here i am a non-virgin at kissing. someone who has been kissed by someone other than him. he got so mad, he wanted to kill the guy. and i want to kill that guy too. because he kissed me, when i didn’t want him to and he kissed me when i was defenseless. that’s why we both wanted and hopefully still want to kill him – ok. maybe not kill but at least mangle. i wanted to die because of that kiss – and still want to actually.
now.
i can’t kill. and i can’t get mad. and i know exactly how that guy felt.
actually, i think i even feel worse.
right now, my hands are shaking and they’re surprisingly cold. all my joints are weak, and i'm not moving right. my world’s a blur and everything’s a haze and everything is dancing before me..
hey. there goes my nephew flying off with mr. bear.
wowoweewow.
what’s more.. i can literally hear my heart beat.
woah..
(i think my mom put drugs in the baked macaroni)
could someone just turn off my lights for me?
or could someone just.. just..
aaaaaaaargh..
just konk me out dammit.
i wanna puke. someone get a drum. i think i’m gonna puke my intestines out.
i’m sorry.
apologies.
forgive me.
Posted at 12:22:23 am by bloodsucker
come on, tell me..
it's like this.
i know that just because you don't show it. doesn't mean it's not happening to you.
and i feel i show too much. sorry.
but sometimes, this thumping thing get the best of me and i feel things don't really affect you enough to make stuff happen to you.
(and ofcourse, i am wrong)
because i know you do care. and stuff does matter to you.
and to be blunt. yeah, the guidance results do kinda suck.
but that's you. and i love you.
never thought i'd pray that i should've been mind over heart.
Posted at 1:44:29 pm by bloodsucker
come on, tell me..
things go on in my mind and most of it aren't said (ha. tas ang daldal ko na daw).
i feel things which aren't expressed.
because if i do say them, if i do let you feel them..
what's gonna happen anyway?
it's not gonna change the situation, nor will it make you feel any better. nor would it make me feel any better, knowing what i said obviously didn't make you feel better.
(and i am rambling redunduntly)
i'm trying not to let the heart stuff get the best of me. i'm trying to adjust. to make it easier for me and most especially for you.
apologies for being so.... something.
erratic and "hard to live with" i guess.
(i can't put stuff into words right now)
i will be better. you know i will.
Posted at 1:29:50 pm by bloodsucker
come on, tell me..
here i go again..
i'm feeling shitty.
selos and insecure..
why oh why.
i really hope this stops.. and never happens again.
it's too pathetic. and stupid.
i just wish i could detach myself.. just like i used to.
but i can't, can i?
maybe 'cause i just can't seem to reach you..
touch you.
your thoughts,
who you are right now,
what you want,
what i can do,
what i should do..
i'm sorry.
i wish i could make you happier.
i wish i was better.
i wish i wasn't like this.
Posted at 1:15:02 pm by bloodsucker
come on, tell me..
